Happy New Year Baby

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i found this in the email archives.
a little wish for 2008.
we certainly made good on it.

what's left for 2009 love?

frances: i'm kind of feeling this whole sit at home and feel sorry for myself vibe. :-) lament 2007 and enter 2008 with trepidation, might be the motto of the evening.

daniel: No trepidation for 2008, gusto for 2008 surely. Need I remind you of our mutual new year's resolution?

frances: hmmm...i think i actually might need reminding...what was that resolution we made? to eat more brussel sprouts??

daniel: Don't remember how exactly we worded it, but basically to have lots of fun, you and me.

frances: lol. i was just playing! how could i forget. it is what i am most looking forward to in '08. :-)

daniel: Had me worried for a minute there.

A Christmas Wish

dear santa,

this last week's been tough. the shit's really hit the fan. the mrs. intercepted an overly friendly text from me to daniel and the whole world has since unraveled. i ended up telling the man about our torrid love affair just to even the playing field for the four of us. he didn't take it well. (not that i expected him to.) it's a mess and no one is really doing well.

my thirtieth birthday was ruined and no one is quite sure what happens next. neither one is reacting how we expected. daniel and the mrs. immediately went in for some individualized therapy. (it feels kinda nice to have daniel able to talk about me. i've always been quite open about him to certain friends, but that's just not the person he is. i like that he has someone to rave to now.)

the man and i have had some enlightening conversations about why our marriage is a bit one sided. i've often said i feel like i'm in this marriage alone. he sees it now. says he feels like he's lived his life as a reflection of the people he's with. his lack of self esteem has led him to live a pretty sad life. i don't want that for him. i love him. (though you might not believe it.) he deserves better than that. he's worried that if he gets some self respect we wouldn't be compatible. it's a valid concern, but he deserves more out of life than what other people make of him. we mentioned seeking out a third party to talk with. it hasn't happened yet. things at home are remarkably normal, though he insists one of us always sleep on the couch.

i'm currently riddled with guilt and constantly doubting everything. i really think i'm meant to be with daniel, but it is such a scary thought to consider getting there. he and i seem to be on the same page about this, which is nice. this is the most mind boggling experience of my life. i've never been so stressed.

my one wish though, santa baby, is to be kissing my love underneath the mistletoe this christmas. it's a tall order, i know, but i've been a VERY good girl.

sincerely,

frances